Wednesday, January 1, 2014

THE BOOK 2013 THAT WAS.....

                        
          

The year 2013 had been like "kabhie Khushi kabhi gham" film for me. This number 13 had been worst at certain moments and also had been my truest best in some. Though all the years and all the months in my life have been eventful for me ( what more events u require from a woman who was a relationship manager at a pvt bank in India and to top it, a mother of hyperactive twins), this year had touched an emotional chord each time and I feel the chapters of life in 2013 had taught me much much more than the rest of the book put together .The chapters are in random order.
                                       It was October 3 and my mother had complained of a slight pain at her back a day earlier. I was taking Faris to hospital that day and I rushed to be with her ( I normally accompany her to the clinic visits) at Maricars. She was not looking good, she was unable to sit and unable to talk because of the immense pain. Later the pain had become so worse that she was falling onto me unable to stand by herself , let alone walk. Dr Maricar told me she was undergoing a multiple organ failure . This kept ringing in my ear. We got her admitted in ICU , her sugar was 590 ( Anshads mother had told me that she had lost her mother in law to a cardiac arrest at 550 sugar level). Dr Omkar told me that he doubted my mother will be able to make it through the night. I wept , my sister consoled me and Tabraiz told me to have faith . The next 5 days my mother did not talk, she blabbered, she passed urine in a pan, her teeth were unbrushed, her hair was uncombed which went to a total irreversible messed state, her cloth was not changed, she went totally disoriented, she did not eat , she drank in little sips, she was not able to sit. During these 5 days I became oblivious to hunger, sleep, pain. All I wanted was my mothers life . I can recall that all I could manage to have was a glass of milk every day coz I no longer felt hunger. I saw death very closely, I felt it . This was the worst chapter of the entire book and there was no escape, I had to read it and live it.
                                      My mother spoke to me properly on 8th October . I asked her " kiska mummy hai" she said " tumhara aur kiska, kyun poonchtin ?" It was the most blessed moment and this cannot be forgotten ever. Later my sister,father and Tabraiz took her to Chennai and Alhamdullilah she became much better. Now I try to cherish each moment spent with her. She has been my mentor, my idol, my friend, my mother. Today though I know she is not well , she can never be like before but she is with us and that's what makes this chapter the happiest and special from all others.
                                      March 31,2013 I bid adieu to my eight year old job from Axis Bank, Portblair branch. My stint at Axis Bank came to an end, I took a child care leave only to resign later. I was leaving a job which was giving me a take home salary of Rs 58000/- . My decision were based on two main factors .The first and foremost was because of my kids who were getting severely neglected coz of my coming home at 8:00 pm. The second was that I became too exhausted by the work pressure and the same monotonous job of selling bank products. Axis Bank had taught me to walk confidently, to talk smartly and I had come to know of certain qualities within me that I never knew existed. Since April 2013 I was as free as I could be, I was the happiest with my kids. They loved my being at home with them. The twinkle in their eyes when they returned from school made me flutter. I am trying to become a mother like my mother had been. It is impossible but if I reach atleast 50% of how she was with us, I'll still be happy. But there was a flip side to it, after being financially independent for almost 12 years , I suddenly felt awkward to use my husbands account for my very personal expenses like a costly facial, an unwanted shoe, a not required expensive dress, small gifts for my friends.Now I strongly feel the need to earn money, to be financially independent once again but definitely not at the cost of my children's time. This chapter still leaves me puzzled, I am yet to understand the conflict of time/money/love/relations but still I am happy that love won at the end.
                                  The most entertaining chapter was my first international trip to Malaysia and Thailand in May. Oh I loved it. I enjoyed every bit of the 15 day trip. Also for the first time we were handling our little monsters all by ourselves ( normally we also take a maid along with us). It was so much fun and they did not trouble us that much.
                                 August 2013, I weighed 85 kgs and my self esteem weighed much more. A friend of mine introduced me to an aerobics class which had very recently started. I enrolled in it and the pretty instructor was full of advices and much more she encouraged us, motivated us. There were too many instances in my life when I was put down or laughed at coz of my size. I feel I respond equally to 'moti' as I respond to 'Shaima'. I stopped telling people that I used to be slim once because that seemed decades back to me. I decided to give my weight loss programme one more chance. My fear of Type 2 Diabetes also was forcing me to become fit .So I started eating healthy, no I did not diet, I ate what was required and that was healthy. Today on 1st January, 2014 I weigh 76 kgs, yes I am not slim but I managed to reduce 9 kgs. My self esteem is much better. I have started wearing jeans and for the first time I went to the dance floor in the New year eve. This chapter taught me " If you think , you can or you can't .whatever ..YOU ARE RIGHT."
                                      How it is to lose a very good friend in a way that u don't want to see or hear from the friend any more. This chapter was the biggest teacher . Never trust someone too much that you divulge all your information about yourself . If it is not your parents or husband or kids then its always your happiness that should come first . 
                                          My sister was here for her holidays recently and she said a sau taka ki baat . She said " Shamim ki beti ban kar jiyo ,aap bahut aage jayegi". This was a statement which meant a thousand things. So I dont have any specific new year plans because i feel HE is the only one who will make plans but yes this year I want to be M A Shamim's daughter more than anything else.

6 comments:

Almas Kiran Shamim said...

What can i say... i am speechless...

Shy said...

Thanks TANKI....

Steve E said...

Pardon me, for butting in...but I must ay, "Whoever READS this, will be left speechless as also myself

Shy said...

Thanks Steve. I am surprised u visited my blog....

Steve E said...

Since you are pictured in my sidebar, I look again here...and received the best of vibrations of goodness, from your chapters abt your mother (Allah bless her), your "new" time with the children...AND the FUN chapter--MALAYSIA!

What a grand story of your year. Thank you. I SO glad came back to read more thoroughly.

Shy said...

Steve .....Thanks a lot. Actually I write because I love to but I don't find time.